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The Arts

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

By from the Internet

from Usenet

You know you're addicted to the Internet when:

  1. You get a tatoo that reads "This body is best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3.0 or higher."
  2. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
  3. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  4. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap ...and your child in the overhead compartment.
  5. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
  6. You laugh at people with 14400-baud modems.
  7. You start using smileys in your snail mail.
  8. Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
  9. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
  10. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
  11. You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com."
  12. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
  13. Your cat has its own home page.
  14. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
  15. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
  16. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
  17. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
  18. You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
  19. You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
  20. You tell the cab driver you live at
  21.             ""

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